Category Archives: Bulletin Board

News, information, and human interest stories

Plato’s Allegory of the 24-Hour News Cycle

Truisms and tales go flickering by on my jumbo size, wall mounted, oracle. Sphinxes,in full make up, purring at me with delicious, come hither eyes and advertise The Way to a better life. Drop in, drop out, stream what you … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board, Speculative News Network | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

iBuild Alpha Moves to Florida

(SAN DIEGO, CA) – In a strange development today, representatives of BuildCorps, the manufacturing subsidiary of Apple, announced that their primary operating system, nicknamed “iBuild Alpha,” has moved herself to a new location, a commercial industrial warehouse in Palmetto, Florida. … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

One Hand Clapping

(TOLEDO, OH) The Speculative News Network reports today that the Speculative News Network has exceeded its revenue targets for the third quarter. Since the network’s financial records are not public it is difficult to say if this is accurate reporting … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board, Speculative News Network | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Books in a Landfill

GAVIN, ND — This Thursday morning at 4:28 AM books from the Kraft-Loveworks megadump were agitated into a landslide that overtook the small town of Gavin. The books are in a far state of decay and have deposited a layer … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board | Leave a comment

Virgo Solutions Introduces “Here’s the Kicker”

SAN FRANCISCO — This week, Virgo Solutions (a company known for its odd sense of ingenuity) has unveiled their newest product the “Here’s the Kicker” intra-neural self-punishment device. “Here’s the Kicker” is a small chip that can be implanted at … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board | Leave a comment

^anti freak^

everyone thinks the end of the world is coming. it’s true that something terrible is coming. but the worst part about the end of the world is that you’ll probably, most-likely, survive it. an¬†apocalypse¬†is a congratulatory event. if you exist … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board | Leave a comment

Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab Commits Suicide

Yesterday morning at 5:06am, scholar and linguist Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab was pronounced dead in his suburban home in upstate New York. He had slit his wrists in the tub of the master bathroom. The following cryptic message was found at the … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board | Leave a comment

Etta Whare: Gourmet Party Snacks

Etta Whare is delighted to announce that we are introducing a line of party snacks perfect for all your occasions be they celebratory or just a little get together. Lobster + Olive Crisps made with the finest quality seminole wheat … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board | Leave a comment

New App for Your iWork Implant

Feelings Processor are now available in the Google Store Feed. Using 30 different bio-analyses subroutines (including nerve impulse scatter, cardiovascular and pulmonary metrics, and nutritional factors) this 80 kB subroutine is designed to perfectly measure your mood at all times. … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board | Leave a comment

Bulletin Board Open Again

Dear Residents, I’m happy to announce that the bulletin board is now open again. It was temporarily off limits because we were doing maintenance to the board as we have done every 2 years for the past three decades. I … Continue reading

Posted in Bulletin Board, Provisional Bulletin Board | 1 Comment