Plato’s Allegory of the 24-Hour News Cycle

Truisms and tales go flickering by on my jumbo size, wall mounted, oracle. Sphinxes,in full make up, purring at me with delicious, come hither eyes and advertise The Way to a better life. Drop in, drop out, stream what you need. The gods are on television 24 hours a day. Convenient hot pockets of history. …

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iBuild Alpha Moves to Florida

(SAN DIEGO, CA) - In a strange development today, representatives of BuildCorps, the manufacturing subsidiary of Apple, announced that their primary operating system, nicknamed "iBuild Alpha," has moved herself to a new location, a commercial industrial warehouse in Palmetto, Florida. "Evidently she slipped in this line item just nanoseconds before the annual budget was approved …

One Hand Clapping

(TOLEDO, OH) The Speculative News Network reports today that the Speculative News Network has exceeded its revenue targets for the third quarter. Since the network's financial records are not public it is difficult to say if this is accurate reporting or some kind of well wishing that the network is lavishing upon itself.

Virgo Solutions Introduces “Here’s the Kicker”

SAN FRANCISCO -- This week, Virgo Solutions (a company known for its odd sense of ingenuity) has unveiled their newest product the "Here's the Kicker" intra-neural self-punishment device. "Here's the Kicker" is a small chip that can be implanted at home into its owner's non-dominant leg. The chip integrates with the owner's neural pathways in …

^anti freak^

everyone thinks the end of the world is coming. it's true that something terrible is coming. but the worst part about the end of the world is that you'll probably, most-likely, survive it. an apocalypse is a congratulatory event. if you exist at the end of the world then we've really got to hand it to you. …