Five Cats

GRAND RAPIDS, MI – Five cats remain stuck up a tree just north of Webster street with townspeople at their wit’s fraying end wondering what to do about it.

The Grand Rapids police have claimed that it is the fire department’s responsibility to retrieve cats from municipal trees and have refused to take part in a rescue operation. The fire department, however, maintains that due to the sheer number of cats in the tree, there is evidence of a criminal behavior and will not interfere with a crime scene until evidence has been collected.

A few locals have tried taking the matter into their own hands. Peter Wilson was seen trying to scale the tree and take the cats down one by one but was stopped by vociferous protest from both the county animal shelter and Seventh Romans church. The animal shelter has determined that the cats have become wild and human interference would only destroy their precious, amazing spirit. The church parishioners feel that five cats up a tree must be God’s will.

This article has been translated into 653 viewpoints, 92 languages, and is distributed by 18,094 information carousels. Additions, subtractions and alterations have been made to the text. Speculative News Network not responsible for conclusions drawn from the report. 

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About x9this

Mind the Goons.
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