SAN FRANCISCO — This week, Virgo Solutions (a company known for its odd sense of ingenuity) has unveiled their newest product the “Here’s the Kicker” intra-neural self-punishment device. “Here’s the Kicker” is a small chip that can be implanted at home into its owner’s non-dominant leg. The chip integrates with the owner’s neural pathways in just under one week and causes the owner to literally kick themselves at regular intervals.
Owners must first activate an account on virgokick.com where they can regulate the frequency and intensity of the self-inflicted punishment. Intervals can be as low as once per month up to once per 10 seconds. Accounts are password protected and feature state of the art “Double Down” security protocols created by Murdock Corporation subsidiary GenCo. The “Here’s the Kicker” device also has surge punishment in the event of unauthorized deactivation or account hacking. As usual, with Virgo Solutions programs, it is unclear what markets this will be good for.