Monthly Archives: January 2013

The Monopoly Machine + Portage Park

Error 308 Permanent Redirect¬† Error 408 Request Timeout Dear Reader, A long time ago in August, a monopoly machine fastened itself to the top of my apartment building. The weather was mild and I remember I was cooking onions when … Continue reading

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50 Incidents of Undiscovered Treasure

(Excerpt) 11. A jar of cinnamon peaches intended for Ayn Rand is still behind the counter at Streugmann’s. 12. A kilo of bottled French wines intended for David Bowie’s 50th birthday bash are still stuck at a post office in … Continue reading

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High Fidelity Castro: Top 5 Worst Tributes

Quick note: I know I said on air that I would drop dead before listening to anything by Bebe Qissis but my 2nd cousin Maia is 11 and she likes dancing to Dance Crazy (Just For Me Boi).¬†So….that happened. It’s … Continue reading

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Billy Expelled

Sammy —— Did you hear that Billy Braddish got permanently expelled?????? — CHRISTOPHER

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Meet me at the flagpole. Bring the detective log.

Grape Juice, I know that you probably don’t feel like telling the principal but we really have to. Meet me at the flagpole after school on Thursday. Bring the Detective Log. -Vivian

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Pinnies: Solved

Dear Vivian, i spent a long time looking at this page before i wrote this. I solved our mystery but I’m   Okay Vivian I have to write this in here because I thought about telling you in person but … Continue reading

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High Fidelity Castro Reviews Baby Grave’s New Album

If you’re feeling skintight hit a backslash on our UPIX. Best pix gets prizes, either: Tix to see HamGlam on their Cookin’ Up tour or a Trufist swag package (includes entire discography and discontinued shirts from ’15). Ring the bell, … Continue reading

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Old Spirits Day Gooning

On old spirits day Rub your face with red clay And go out for a full night of gooning As you wander and stray You should howl, growl and bray Making sure that your voice is a booming But as … Continue reading

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The Broken Soil

The Broken Soil (Hib-ai Klinjustuh gra) is a goontext that fell out of the Goonscape and into the known universe in the 1980 Black Sabbath and Blue Oyster Cult tour, “Black and Blue” while they were performing in Uniondale, New … Continue reading

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Wrong Pinnies

Vivian, It’s okay that you put the pinnies in my locker. But these aren’t the right pinnies. The ones I’m talking about are red and blue and pretty old and dirty. These ones are new and plus they don’t even … Continue reading

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