World Champion Nose Picking

GLAVEN MN – David Fandow, the 2028 bronze medalist for world champion nose picking, was pronounced dead at 1:14 a.m. at Soldier Brook Hospital.

His mother told the press, “He was obsessed with his training. Since he was a little kid I kept telling him, ‘If you keep sticking your finger up there you’re going to mess up your brain!’ ”

An autopsy has confirmed his mother’s lifelong suspicions. During a Saturday nose picking training session, Fandow ruptured the nasal branch of his ophthalmic artery and hemorrhaged to death in his parents’ garage.

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Mind the Goons.
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