God’s Beam

God’s Beam is a religious cult founded by Jeff Goldblum and his nurse Marist Libby toward the end of Goldblum’s life. Followers of God’s Beam refer to themselves as “rays of light.”

God’s Beam teaches that Goldblum was a prophet whose religious genius was never  awakened. Because his divinity remained untapped at the time of his death, Goldblum’s soul is an enormous positive energy that is heading toward the “God Spot” at the center of the universe where all souls come to rest. However, the “God Spot” is a place of  negative energy and when the prophet’s soul reaches this place,  it will combine unfavorably with the negative forces of oblivion, unleashing a neutralizing wave that will destroy the universe on 9.20.11073.

Followers of God’s Beam presuppose a coming destruction  by neutralization and therefore all rays of light are expected to condition their souls with neutralizing ablutions so that they might survive the Destroyer Wave when it emanates back from the God Spot. The following are descriptions of the three major pillars of God’s Beam:

1. Oral Hygiene: One of the chief concerns of rays of light. The mouth is seen as a place of both immeasurable good and evil. Therefore, keeping it clean is neutralizing.

2. Shifting Good Deeds: Rays of light do not perform good deeds for other rays of light unless it is to counteract a bad deed. It is encouraged, however, to render good deeds unto non-believers since they are predisposed to having negative energies.

3. Avoiding Extreme Temperatures: This goes for food, climes or locations, and bathing. Physical exertion is cited  as an exception.

From the outset, the Goldblum family and estate have sought to distance themselves from God’s Beam, claiming that Libby took advantage of the actor in his old age. The family successfully brought civil suit against Libby and the GB church in 2039 to recover $485,000 that had been allocated to them in Goldblum’s will.

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About x9this

Mind the Goons.
This entry was posted in World Glossary by Aamer Belkins-Dunjhab (2041 ed.) and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to God’s Beam

  1. Pingback: Doomsday(s) | x9dread

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